Sitting back and taking it all in

So whats a girl to do?  You find out your dear husband is bad mouthing you to everyone who has some sort of hearing.  You hear how horrible you are, how wonderful he is, how much he loves his kids, how much he loves his wife and how he wishes she would realize how wonderful he is, how you want to be back in high school again and party all the time, how he would be happier without her, how he found himself on a 2 week business trip to the Caribbean, blah blah blah.  First of all I am not horrible he has it damn good, I don't ask anything of the bastard (hey two can play this game you wanna bad mouth me be ready to hear it back) all he has to do is go to work and bring home a pay check I handle everything else and I mean EVERYTHING else, paying bills, kids Dr appts (and there are a lot of them) therapy, school work, homework, camp, after school activities, play dates, baths, boo boo's etc.  Could I be nicer, I am sure I could be but I am tired and worn out and could use a little help from time to time.  For a man who swears how much he loves his kids and swears he cant imagine them in his life everyday he has a funny way of showing it, he has been gone for a week and a half he has called home twice, yep twice, he has a world blackberry through work he could call he just chooses not too.  Back in high school hmm don't we all kinda wish we had a do over and could be back in high school.  I admit when I found out Kyleigh had Autism and I heard how they did not really expect too much improvement from her and that most things at 18 months she was doing on a 2-3 month level I kinda lost it, I went out too much, I ran away from home any time I could.  Do I regret it, not really it is what I had to do to get through it all.  I still managed to handle therapy with my child daily 2 -3 times a day some days, and my big ones got off to school and all there activities no one missed a thing.  Hey Mister I would be happier without your sorry ass around here too, but I decided to keep you around so I could be here for my girls, but I am thinking that was a bad choice.  I was planning on leaving you 4 years ago but then I got pregnant and that all went out the window.  I have been unhappy for the past 5-6 years I gave up my life for you, I moved all over the place for you, what did you give up for me?  Oh right nada nothing zilch.....  Oh and for the finding yourself on a 2 week business trip to the Caribbean um hello yeah I think anyone can find themselves in the Caribbean for 2 weeks away from reality.  I know I sure could if I could trust you to care for my kids and pay attention to them and not have the 3 year old you know the one with Autism walk out the front door and my 9 year old the other one with Autism be the one to tell you then maybe I would head to the nearest tropical island so I can find myself.  You know scratch that I HAVE found myself and that is why I don't give a rats ass anymore I deserve better I am a fantastic woman, I am funny, I love to laugh, I am pretty damn good mother, and you don't deserve someone as friggin fantastic as me!